Anyone living in a full time D/s relationship will tell you (provided of course they are with the right partner) that there can be no better way of expressing one's Dominance, or submissiveness than being in a 24/7 D/s environment.
The opportunity which is afforded by living 24/7 is ideal to grow and experience the dynamics of a real "power exchange" relationship. The reality of allowing the Master to make decisions for both is exciting and rewarding when so many little things can be "handed over" to the Dominant: when to eat, what to eat, when to go shopping etc.
Very often a submissive can feel much more at ease with their submissive side when the everyday mundane life choice decisions can be left to their Dominant.
It does not take long for a relationship to settle into one where these things become the norm, and both parties accept their roles within the power exchange because each is better fulfilled that way. However, as always, real life often has a way of spoiling these ideals.
Imagine the sub who is quite willing to accept that their Dominant decides when they go out, at what time, and who is always expected to ask permission for certain actions. Then, out of the blue, one day sub gets a call from school to say their child is ill, or has fallen and hurt themselves. Master is at work, and uncontactable, and little Johnny needs collecting urgently.
Is the sub not going against the power exchange principles to make the decision and go? Will the Dom see it like that? Will they be displeased to find that sub acted on their own, without consultation, as should be the accepted way within this power exchange relationship? Of course, the sub goes and collects the child from school; what parent wouldn't?
Does this action undermine the Dominance of the Master, by the fact that the submissive has made a decision without consulting him? Of course not. In a real life, big bad world situation, the sub/mother will, by instinct, follow her maternal drive and go to her child.
There is nothing wrong, in my opinion, in her doing that and the action should never make the Dominant feel any less in control. In fact, he could continue within his role, if he has taken the time to think about this kind of situation beforehand and made allowances for such, in giving his submissive carte blanche permission to act in the best interest of the child at all times.
If she does not take whatever action is required for the wellbeing of the child, he may well be in a position to show disapproval towards the sub for disobeying his directions. In a less obvious but just as interesting scenario, we might imagine the sub at home with Master and child.
The power exchange requires the submissive to act in her naturally submissive way, especially in front of Master. So, and all of those of us who have children will testify to this, what happens when the parent within the submissive is required to take steps to control a child? This of course might be especially so when the child is that of the sub, and not of the Dom.
As "mother" mode kicks in the sub changes from her normal sub self to the tough almost dominant person that is often required to shepherd children along the right path. Sometimes there is no chance to ask for permission to do this, and often this would not even be thought about. Mum simply takes charge. Should the Dominant feel any less control in the relationship because the submissive has a side to her that sometimes shows a dominant nature?
We all have defined roles in life and that of a parent, either as a mother or father will always be, and quite rightly too, the major part of who and what we are. Just because one decides to follow the aspects of Dominance or submission within a power exchange relationship, this does not, and should never, affect any children within that relationship. They (the children) have always known that mum is mum and that must not be allowed to diminish just because mother has admitted her submissiveness.
The children's welfare is paramount and must be maintained on a level and balanced path; if necessary, even to the detriment of the Master/sub relationship.
Take the situation whereby a Master and sub set up home in their 24/7 relationship, and there is a child belonging to one only. It may be very difficult to maintain one's Dominance when the sub has to tell off a naughty child. In this case the sub is about as "un-sub-like" as she can be. The fact is the children and their welfare must come first and the sub must be allowed to fulfil her parental role without hindrance.
Whether or not this gets in the way of the smooth workings of a power exchange relationship we must remember that children cannot possibly be expected to understand our power exchange dynamics. Therefore even the strictest of D/s regimes must allow the opportunity for a parent to "come out" of their D/s role and be simply a Mum, or Dad. In a relationship it's something that ought to be considered from the outset, and catered for within the bounds of what we do.
It might also be worth remembering that it matters not how "Dominant" you are; you just cannot "Dom" a child. By the term "Dom" I mean control in the same way that we might control the actions of a submissive. Children do not understand, or react well to this. What may well happen is such action compounds the situation, making it even worse than it may already have been.
This can lead to resentment in both the child and the submissive, because both see that the mother/child relationship is being undermined. For those who are trying to build a relationship with the child of a partner, it is often better to accede to the judgement of the child's parent even if that means allowing the sub to make decisions that they might not normally make.
This is especially true if one of the partners has no prior experience of parenting. This article is written from the perspective of a Dominant whose submissive partner is the mother of children from a previous marriage. However it is likely that these observations would apply to either sex, or either party in a D/s relationship.
They are common problems in any relationship, and as such need to be addressed and managed. So, remember, whatever you might agree with your sub or Dom about your power exchange that does not include the children. That parental relationship has to be built over time, and on a totally different level. Always place the needs, wants and best interests of the children first.
© D/s Seekers 2003
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